ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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