There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈