1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
How's work?
Spinning.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Randomize
