Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it