the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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