I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
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If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
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i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life