Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
