i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
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