dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
