Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize