worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
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Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
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I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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