i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
