jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
If its not for food we ain't going out.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
