Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
