fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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