Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
