Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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