Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
