How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
