I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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