i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
