batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
