Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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