i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
