Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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