So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
It's never too late to be topless.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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