what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
