so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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