Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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