I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
