I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
