I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
