So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
