Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
