I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
