Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
