idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
