You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
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At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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