Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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