Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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