I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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