She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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