Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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