I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
