just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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