I want to have your abortion
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
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I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize