Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I think my moral compass just broke
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
