the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
