he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
