Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
How external is "for external use only"?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
