and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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