Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Randomize
