I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
