i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
