You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
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It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
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Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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