you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
