she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
My legs feel like baby dolphins
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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