I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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