On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
