I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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