May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
