Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
