I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
