im about as happy as oj after his trial
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
