When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
