The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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