take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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