This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
