i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
