Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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