Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
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