I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
my liver is dry heaving
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
