i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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