i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
