Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Randomize
