Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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