I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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