Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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