dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
