you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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